Sunday, April 7, 2019


What I have learned is no matter how many texts, phone calls or FB messages about tomorrow's surgery they do not fill the void of being alone.  Close family ties and friends are not the same as an intimate partner.  It is not about sex, it is about being a unit.  With so much support I should not feel this way, but having no one who intimately understands me and can share my fears and concerns with  leaves a void.  This is what a true partnership is about.

Everything right now is mechanical.  My roommate and I have gone over all of the papers in the event something goes wrong.  The house is his.  The Lady Bird Johnson Deed has been filed for sometime.  He has full authority to do everything including the cremation.

It is just too mechanical.  Now the reality is this surgery is very safe although it sounds scary, but at my age your estate should be completely laid out.

It is odd with so much support I can still feel empty because that special someone to take this out of a mechanical process does not exists.

Tonight at the hotel I expect to post a Monday post before an early bedtime.  The post surgery notes say no electronic devices post surgery.  I am not sure how long that is for.  We shall see.

As dusk approaches the Illuminati go into a slumber of dreams only to be reawaken renewed in the morn.  I hope this surgery corrects the problems because my cognitive skills will sky rocket.

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