Wednesday, May 31, 2017



I wanted to post a picture of Ruben Torres and the feeder road, but I decided to not profile any 2018 candidate.  I will say this the sign pollution is making Brownsville look bad.  This is yet another example of our city commission not doing their job.  The candidates making themselves party to the sign pollution are not helping themselves.

Guys my blogging is going to slow down. I passed out today from the pain. Until the test results come back there is nothing anyone can do.  

Tuesday, May 30, 2017


Here is the fundamental problem. All of the major players distribute the contracts to many players in Congressional Districts all over the US.  If saying no to a new ship or bomber who is going to say no when so many congressional districts participate in the building of these weapons.  It is so bad Congress always votes to build this that or the other thing even though the military leadership says we do not need it.  There is your answer.  If we stop building weapon systems too many people will lose jobs which means congressmen will be voted out.

The American people are the problem.  No one wants the programs which help them cut.  If the VA would just stop funding the medical schools they could vastly expand care to veterans.  Which US Senators are going to vote for the VA to stop funding the US medical schools?  Not a one.  It is pathetic the money budgeted for veterans goes to fund state medical schools so they can train doctors.


The fundamental problem going back to all wars is, there are many veterans who cannot get care because of drug or alcohol addiction developed during combat. They received discharges of less than honorable. This means they cannot receive VA services. Many are too far gone to seek help. In many cases if they file the request the military will change their discharge to honorable entitling them to full VA care and possible full disability, Congress knows the problem and refuses to help. Veteran organizations do not care about these veterans. Until Congress is forced to confront the problem thousands of veterans will remain homeless without any help. It is the great secret no one wants to talk about.

Yesterday I also wanted to talk about the veterans who came home from the wars but were basically dead inside or facing death from any number of conditions contracted during the conflict.  Just because it can take 40 years for the agent orange to kill you does not mean you did not die in combat because you did if you came home with a death warrant on your back from a disease you contracted or wound during your service in the war zone.  These people also need to be remembered on memorial day.

It is well past the time for Congress to pass a law that all combat veterans discharged under than honorable conditions due  to alcoholism or drug addiction as a result of serving in a war zone have their discharges upgraded to honorable so they can receive VA care.  Alcoholism or drug addiction which is the result of serving in combat is no different than losing an arm.  It is time we care for these veterans.


I did not blog yesterday because I was in too much pain.  There is nothing they can do until the advanced testing of the proteins in my spinal fluid is completed and the source of the proteins are determined.  I got the actual test results upon discharge to give to the VA.  The normal high for spinal fluid proteins is 45.  Mine are at 86.2.

High levels of protein in your CSF can indicate:
  • aseptic meningitis
  • bacterial meningitis
  • brain abscess
  • brain tumor
  • cerebral hemorrhage
  • epilepsy
  • MS
  • neurosyphilis
Remember my first admission was for micro hemorrhaging on the brain.  I now wait about two weeks to learn the results - maybe.  The VA has to approve the followup with the neurologist who did the spinal tap and ordered the advanced testing.

Sunday, May 28, 2017


The deal is I can be in bed just as easily as in the hospital. The spinal tap showed elevated levels of protein. 86.2 The fluid has now been sent for advanced testing as to the source of the protein. The morphine does not help. In fact no painkiller helps. 

So the view is I go home and wait for a diagnosis. The new test will also give us a more definitive pressure. My protein was at 86.2

Saturday, May 27, 2017

It sucks being laid up. But I am grateful for Dr. Hussain and my advocate Dr. Alam

I am doing this on my phone. I suspect at least two more days here unless the spinal tap reveals something. Again I am learning not all doctors are the same. Dr. Hussain was all business but he made me laugh before he started the spinal tap. Although the procedure was painful and I was crying I never let on. I needed him focused. He knew and kept on injecting more pain killer. Other than slight discomfort after the procedure I'm fine. Two other doctors said it could not be done because of bone but he did it with me sitting up in my bed without the benefit of a live xray. He was gentle. He understood my gratitude. Not all doctors are the same. Dr. Alam my attending truly cares. Dr Hussain the neurologist is a pro and very focused.

McAllen medical center is awesome. I will never return to Valley Baptist. I will make the extra drive.

The only negative is I know no one in McAllen. I hate talking on the phone.

Well back to watching the same war movies I've seen so many times. If the spinal tap is negative I will turn to mind over matter to control the pain.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017



You must learn to be your own advocate. They changed neurologists on me and the new guy was terrible. He thought I was stupid and didn't know better. I called the attending and he sent a Dr Hussain who did the spinal tap right in my room. No problem what so ever. It hurt like he'll except the final part of the puncture. I did not feel a thing. So now I wait for the results. If they are negative for elevated pressure I just live with the disabling headaches. I have work and stories to write. I'm ready to go home.

I cannot post new from my phone but can edit. Complications with the spinal tap will keep me here for now. We are waiting on a neurosurgeon to decide if he can do it. Apparently there is too much bone to make a normal puncture. This sucks. 


They are unsuccessfully using morphine to treat the headaches.  I am still waiting on the neurologist to decide if she will do a spinal tap.  It is the only option left.  CFL can explain the empty sells and headaches.  This is the key to the reason for the spinal tap my PC ordered.  Until I see the neurologist, I have no idea how long I will be here.  Morphine is not an option for treatment.  They need to find the cause and treat the cause.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017


The VA has no idea what is causing these headaches.  I've had to demand with the help of my doctor that the last brain MRI be read by a different radiologist.  According to this new radiologist aging problems with the brain and the empty sella have disappeared.  This is not possible.  One specialist has already seen the latest MRI and is dumbfounded how such obvious things were missed.  People you cannot trust radiologists.

The best specialists do their own read because they know radiologist are not trustworthy to get it right. How does a man with a normal brain MRI die less than 24 hours later from terminal brain cancer?  Yes it happened.  How does a Pet Scan show the lung cancer is gone, until the surgeon gets in and realizes that patient all along had stage 4 lung cancer and not stage one?  This technology can confirm things, but cannot rule out anything.

My headaches are blinding.  I continue to lose my vision in my left eye.  With a massive headache I am off to see one of my specialists, and then back to bed when I get home.


In learning of the bombing in the UK, I again listened to RFK's words.  Yea we do not get it.  On social media I followed the anger of a Brit who now lives in the US.  I was happy she distinguished the bomber from the Muslim faith.  But people for money, just look at Trump in Saudi Arabia a country with extreme oppression and human rights abuses which gave birth to most of the 9/11 attackers, we turn a blind eye to the torture and murder of innocent people in Muslim countries and then ask why they are mad at us.

We have turned a blind eye on Nicaragua and now have our intelligence services raising red flags over the Russians building a spying facility against the US in Nicaragua.

Yes I know the cause of violence.   We ignore the cries for help unless we can make money on the cries.  With Central Americans no longer able to sneak into the US these countries are going to have to turn to oppression again to control the anger and poverty, while turning to the Russians and Chinese as we turn our backs.  We choose to close our eyes to humanity and then demand to know why humanity is angry with us.  We are the enemy within bringing about this violence.  We are the violent ones, not them.

Compassion is not a convenience when it serves your needs. It is the human compass which should guide your every word. 

Monday, May 22, 2017


Listen to this woman's message.  She came up with the idea of a book store mixed with wine.  She has a message about how the Bronx wants to read.  If only Brownsville had such a person.

For a more empowering video from BBC click here.


While I may have been young, because of the way my brain is wired, I remember 1968, as if it were yesterday. I have no right to judge people for how their brain is wired. But I am shaken daily by how little we as humanity care about anything unless it touches upon us.

 I do not need to live in inner city Chicago to understand the nightly fear parents feel a bullet is going to come through a wall and kill their child. But America is blind to it, because it is not their fear.

Oh how I remember the hypocrisy of those who denounced marriage equality not caring how it tore at my heart to know my happiness meant nothing to them, but now demand everyone back equality now that it touches upon them. Sorry my narcissistic hypocrites, your words now fall on deaf ears.

Compassion is not a convenience when it serves your needs. It is the human compass which should guide your every word. It did not matter to you when young adults were committing suicide because of your lack of human compassion. How privileged you must feel that now it touches upon you humanity must bow to your demands.

I remember this speech as if it were yesterday. Such as Dr. King's speeches, this one lives within me. But it means nothing to us as a nation. We are so divided as a nation.

As a classically trained real socialist, I shock people all of the time by being anti abortion. All lives matter. in today's world, unless to protect the life of the mother there is no reason for an abortion. I so not consider emergency contraception to be an abortion.

I had my business boycotted by the bigoted self anointed leadership in the gay community when I boycotted the bars which banned women. When the bar owners refused to hire browns or blacks as bartenders I boycotted the bars. It was the right thing to do - that simple. It did not touch upon me personally, but it did touch upon humanity which meant it touched upon all of us equally.

My moral compass will never change. But my heart will remain broken because as humans nothing seems to matter to us unless it touches upon us personally. It is meaningless to post support for this that or the other thing, unless you are willing to get into the trenches and fight for humanity. This is not complex. I so take hope in the millions of Americans who do little things every day to make some one's life easier. So I guess there are some who care.

What a wonderful speech Bobby Kennedy gave, to only have no meaning.

Sunday, May 21, 2017


 At no level am I a supporter of Senator Rubio or President Trump. In fact the trying of this Trump/Russian matter in the press based on third party's interpreting what a possible memo means as related to them by a second party, without any quote marks to show the exact statement bothers me a great deal. CNN has become the biggest joke. Today they seem to think President Trump commenting on the shoes of the president of Egypt is newsworthy. The NYT using a third party interpretation of a possible memo written by former FBI Director Comey is reckless journalism at its worse. There are two variables here the NYT seems to think unimportant. The Russians are winnings as our government is disrupted. A disrupted US government considered untrustworthy by the world weakens the US and empowers the Russians. Putin is laughing his ass off.

 Second, is the presidency. It may turn out the Trump campaign team and administration have been incredibly incompetent.  Nothing would make me happier than Trump resigning.  But at what cost?  The presidency and our national security?  Do third party sources, versus primary sources, form a basis to destroy the credibility of the presidency and thereby the strength of this country in world affairs.

Trump and his team may be as guilty as sin, but I will wait for the review of the evidence versus, NTY reports of what someone told someone and then that someone told the NYT's.  We all know the old game of phone call,  You whisper into some one's ear something and then they say it to the next person and it goes around the room.  At the end we learn how the original statement was interpreted and changed along the way.


We have lost a credible and reliable press because of their own conduct and the act of the Russian's setting the soap opera on this path.  We have lost a credible presidency which is essential to our national security because of this Russian set up.  Yes, Trump and his team have made the loss easier.

The Russians are the big winners at this point, and we the American people are the losers.

I trust in the final report if the Republicans try and cover up essential evidence, the Democrats will release their own report.


Every international corporation with business in Russia meets with Russian officials every day. Trump's people did not know how to manage this reality, and have allowed it to balloon out of control, which then made his diplomatic actions look suspect.

I do not trust Putin.  He has played the White House, the press and the American people.  It is time we focus on the enemy, Russia.  But politics is what it is, so Russia will continue to win this mess as the press continues to release third hand information.  How very sad.


I am not saying Trump is innocent.  I am saying allow the Special Counsel and the Congress to do their job based on a review of the actual documents, and not some third hand interpretation of a document the NYT and others cannot even quote from.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Great news: Mexico offers to pay for Trump’s impeachment

"(This is a work of satire)
Marking a potentially big turnaround in rocky U.S.-Mexico relations, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto on Wednesday offered to pay for President Trump’s impeachment instead of a $21.6 billion border wall separating the two nations.
“We would pay for the ‘whole enchilada,’” Peña Nieto told reporters on the steps of the National Palace in Mexico City. “Impeachment is far cheaper than a border wall, and frankly, no one will want an expensive border wall after Trump’s gone, anyway.”

Thursday, May 18, 2017


Yesterday Bela and her brothers came over to use the pool.  The oldest boy, only 3, loves to jump in, but he must have his vest on and I must be there.  I told them to wait near the stairs and I would put each of them in the pool after I dove in at the 8' end and swam under water to the stairs.  As I go under I sense another splash.  I surface thinking one of the boys jumped in after me.  Nope it was Buster who runs from the pool.  She is getting old and I guess she wanted to see what it was all about.  I saw her head was under water while she was trying to swim to the edge.  I lifter her head and tried to move her to the edge faster, but it took Bela's mother  to pull her out.  In 8' of water you cannot just lift a 55 lb dog.


Because of my hypothalamic dysfunction I use the sun for vitamin D.  My doctor noticed a dark spot on the top of my ear during a routine 6 month follow-up.  So today he sent me to the telephoto nurse to take several pictures which will be sent to the dermatologist to determine whether I need to see her.

As it turns out there were two concerns on the top of my ear, the dark spot which is level with the skin, a good sign, and an elevated spot but skin color.  The nurse said he had seen it before and it is probably keratosis from my vitamin D deficiency.  If it is it will stay.  It is no big deal.  I've had to treat keratosis in another spot once which was causing a lot of bleeding, but the treatment worked and the problem went away.


I have both the general 10 year warranty and extended coverage for things not covered by the general warranty.  Well, part of the plastic on the seat frame broke and a door handle pulled out of the door.  The cost of repair of both items, $0.00.  It turns out there was a recall also on some sensor on the rear wheels.  All is taken care of.  Because I had to run to the VA first, I was an hour and half late for my appointment.  I did call to tell them I would be running late.  I was out of there in under two hours.  Life is good.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Because I know how evidence can be so simply manipulated concerning this story I remain on the fence in so many ways.  I am happy there is a Special Counsel.  I hope with Congress, the Press, and a Special Counsel we may get to a semblance of the truth.  I may not like Trump, but I love this country too much to see this crisis unfold in an injustice to the presidency.  The presidency is more important than any one person.

The funny CNN OPED headline: Don't fall for Watergate myth"  Now before you read the OPED, ask yourself what you think the headline means?  Does it align with what is actually in the OPED piece?

The alleged myth is the press broke Watergate by itself.  This is what the OPED author does not want you to believe.

He is right.  We need the Press, Congress, and the Special Counsel to oversee this investigation if we hope to get to the truth.

From CNN:

"There are too many endemic problems with the press, including partisan news and fake information, to count on it to handle the job by itself. The matter is too grave to depend on one institution alone. For starters, Congress must insist on an independent FBI director and, if a special prosecutor is appointed, he or she must not be someone who will replicate the biased demeanor of Starr. If Congress sets up a commission, it must be staffed with individuals of the highest integrity.
Good journalism depends on a healthy government, even when parts of that government may be rotten. The idea that journalists can tackle Trump on their own is a dangerous fallacy, one that gives too many politicians the cover to avoid their responsibilities."


In 2000, during an interview with the Dallas Morning News, I was asked who is the most dangerous person in the world.  I said Putin.  I had given the editors in the room a copy of my paper explaining how the Soviet Union was on the very verge of collapse because of Gobachev's policies known as perestroika and glasnost.  When both policies were combined with the theory of the Revolution of Rising Expectations, the fall of the Soviet Union was inevitable.  The paper was written 2-3 years before the collapse.


"Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to provide a transcript of a controversial Oval Office meeting between President Donald Trump and Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov.
Source CNN

Putin being the consummate demagogue actually believes we would trust the transcript.

A story of how the KGB would handle inconvenient historical facts and truth. Remember Putin's training is as a KGB agent.  This is from a previous BV story when Saenz tried to change the well known facts to serve his own ends.


The story of Lavrenti Pavlovich Beria.  He was a Soviet hero.  Just before his downfall the Soviets had just published its new encyclopedia and sent it out around the world, including the University of Chicago.  My mentor, was working on his doctorate in Soviet Studies at the time at the University of Chicago.  He was a former Polish fighter who eventually fought with the British and then made his way to the US.  He saw his mother taken by the Nazi's  for hiding Jews.  He is truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life.

Anyway, he was working in the library of the University of Chicago.  He spoke Russian, German, English and of course Polish.  He was in charge of Soviet documents.  He loved to tell the story of how someone in the Soviet Union sent to everyone who had received a copy of the new encyclopedia a notice to remove the entry on  Lavrentiy_Beria, and to replace it with an article on the Bering [maybe something similar - Beri]  Strait.  the instructions were very detailed in how to remove the old article and replace it with the new one.  Of course the University of Chicago did not comply.  But the letter was kept as an important part of history.  The Soviets actually believed here in the US we would buy into their rewrite of hero to traitor."

Tuesday, May 16, 2017


I know people.  Many people tonight will be disappointed if Ben Neece does not some how send Mayor Tony Martinez packing.  Well news flash, Item 24 on the agenda is the canvassing of the votes, which occurs before any swearing in.  Only then will they even schedule the swearing in of Ben Neece.  So expect nothing, because tonight John Villarreal will continue to hold his position.  There appears to be nothing of consequence except the closing of an alley.  That may be nothing, but with this mayor and city manager it could be a big thing.

In the world of politics political capital melts away pretty fast, which is why you must be constantly creating new political capital.  There is no doubt in my mind meetings have already been had on how to proceed on any number of subjects, with Tenaska at the top of the list. A Tenaska victory early on will give Ben an incredible amount of new political capital.  Remember Ben is not a commissioner yet.  Any private citizen can meet with two or even three commissioners at a time without breaking any rules.

Even once Ben is sworn in, unless another commissioner is putting issues on the agenda for him, he will have nothing on the agenda because he was not a commissioner in time to place anything on the agenda.

But all the while because people do not understand how the system works, Ben's political capital will begin to melt, as the uninformed become frustrated nothing is happening.

It will be the end of this month or June before we see any action by Ben.  He needs to form his coalition first.  You do not do that in one day.  Everyone wants something so votes will be traded back and forth before commitments are made.  It is called politics.

It may take until the Fall before we see any momentum.

An early victory on rolling back the BPUB rates to pre-Tenaska would be a significant victory.

This is one big game of finess.

Tetreau and Longoria will face voters in two years over this issue.  The problem is we can count on people who can never win announcing against both.  But it is all too possible real and viable candidates will announce against both.

A vote for a BPUB rate reduction, could guarantee the incumbents' victory regardless of who runs against them.  It is a Bread and Butter issue people really care about and can relate to.

But you can bet your dollar if Tetreau and Longoria go along with Ben, Tony's political machine will make sure someone runs against them who can win.  Longoria is the real wild card.  Longoria may hold on the issue and leave things as is, then Ben will need to turn to Munguia.  If Munguia aligns with Ben on this issue, and Longora aligns with the mayor, Longoria with a viable candidate will see the end of his political career.

Lets just hope the same old people do not announce against him.

Monday, May 15, 2017


Well again I may be on several days without sleep.  When my brain refuses to sleep, not even two medications can overcome the failure of the hypothalamus.

When I write I have a theme in my head, but I am not always sure where my writing will take me.  The following statement I made on Mothers Day, came at me as a complete surprise.  I almost edited it out, but did not because it was so spontaneous from my subconscious.

"When I think of mom I think of many things. Her strength and resolve is my curse I guess. I think all of the time, I am failing to measure up.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about mom, and my brother who is dying a horrible death.  It is slow and painful.  I made a promise to mom to be there for him when I came to Texas.  She knew the story of his hardship growing up.  Funny how daddy had 7 kids with mom, Alicia, wife number 4, and 5 kids with Alice, wife number 2.

Below is Daddy with Alice - not sure if it was taken before the birth of any of the 5.  I will not mention their names because I promised the youngest girl to never tell this story until she passed.  I feel 100% confident she will not know of me writing this story.  I am told she does not know of the passing of the second oldest on July 3, 2016.

For Spring Break of 76' mom asked that I go to Florida and spend it with Alice and the eldest child who was a girl, long since passed.  Daddy would be 110 if he were still alive and Alice would be 108.

Alice was a wonderful loving person.  I was so enamored with her, I think I hurt mom.  It never occurred to mom I would take to Alice so easily.  She loved her art and work.  She was a wonderful painter.  Oh did she have rocks filled with gems.  She spend years collecting them out west and making jewelry.

I have her diary, and it lead me to the clues I needed to finish the story.  Before daddy died, he made amends with the 5.  My sister who  remained in Brownsville while marrying local gave me a wonderful gift.  She said to me, "I have no idea what your mom did to daddy but she made him into the father we never had."

I have no desire to go to the safe and dig our the court documents.  But I have the original divorce documents between daddy and Alice.  Judicial corruption matters and it destroys lives.

Alice in the diary speaks of the day the sheriff came to her home in New England, I believe it was New Hampshire, and based on a East Texas judge's order, took her 5 children and delivered them over to daddy who at the time was working in a restaurant he owned.


According to the 5, and Alice's diary entry she and the children had never been to Texas.  In the court documents is an affidavit from a lawyer that he investigated daddy's claim that Alice had abandoned the children and him in Texas and found them to be true.  The judge never asked that any of the children be brought into court to verify the claim.  Of course he could not produce the children because it was one big lie.  Alice was on relief, and the government was after daddy to attend to his children.  So with the help of several corrupt East Texas lawyers and judge, the children were effectively kidnapped from Alice and given to daddy.

Daddy remarried a women who turn out to be a drunk.  He turned the children over to Jimmy as she was known, and went off to the merchant marines. How sad the 5 came to know Jimmy as their mother.  And yes, maybe 15 years or so ago I met Jimmy in her nursing home.  I was with 4 of the 5. The eldest of the five had already passed.   She directed me to leave her room because she saw daddy in me, and did not want me in her presence.

A funny side note, for reasons I will never understand my brother who suffered horrible abuse at her hands remained loyal to her.  But he would tell you endless stories about how she abused him. I did not want him to be alone at her funeral so I drove from Dallas to be by his side.  We went to her sister's nursing home to take her to the cemetery service.  When she got in my car she was laughing. She asked my brother why daddy was in the car.  My brother told him I was the son of his last wife.

Obviously her mind was not complete.  She was laughing when she said I looked just like daddy when he would have a threesome with her and her sister, Jimmy.  At the time that was daddy.  He was no saint during this time of his life.  But he made amends with everyone before he passed.  Just after he married mom he joined the Christian Science church.  It turned him around.

But the fact he became an amazing father does not change what he did to the five, not withstanding the fact with mom's help they forgave him.

After he abandoned the 5 to this drunk and sex addict, he joined the merchant marines.  He stayed until it reach the point the Germans were sinking too many of our ships and word came there were problems at home.  As the story goes, Jimmy put the eldest out to work, and not in a good way.

Daddy came home, and divorced her for the abuse the children were suffering, especially the eldest.  I adored the eldest and will never forget my Spring Break of 76' I spent with her and her mother Alice.  But because she was torn from her mother and left to a drunk and sex addict she was damaged.  The damage was passed onto her children. A handful of corrupt lawyers and a judge destroyed this innocent young lady, and in the end she paid for it with her life.  Yes this is why I fight these bastards so hard.

Daddy took a job with Pan Am in Brownsville.  He owned several acres on what is today Waco street.  The main house on his land has in residence the daughter of the man who bought the land from daddy.  I went to visit her and learned she knew the five.  Her grandfather owned the land across the street and when she would visit him she would play with my sisters.  These time were good for the 5, I am told.

But daddy was busy doing union organizing while working as a radio operator for Pan Am.  This was pre-radar.  The times were good, but not as good as they should have been.  He got a transfer to Nicaragua.  He took it.

Two of the daughters, were placed in some type Catholic facility her in Brownsville.  The eldest girl was to take my brother and youngest sister to live with our grandmother in Virginia.  After daddy left, my brother as it turns out was abandoned to Jimmy the alcoholic.  The oldest and youngest daughters went to Virginia to be with our grandmother.  The youngest tried to go back to her biological mother, but she had remarried.  It did not work out.

All of the girls were under 18 when they married.  They were all abused and abandoned because of corrupt lawyers and a judge in East Texas.  Many of their children carry the scars of the abuse suffered by their mothers.

My brother had 3 daughters and a son.  He had no education and no means to support 4 children.  So as little girls two of his daughters were put out for adoption.  Several years ago both were located.  Both lost their children to the state and had major personal problems.  One came to see my brother and their mother only to ask for money.  When she was told no, she left never to return.  The other stayed and lived with her brother and mother until the mother died.  They suffered because of the corrupt attorneys and East Texas judge.

My brother's relationship with Jimmy puzzles me.  He tells the story of how she put him on the streets of Houston barefoot on the hot streets, to shine shoes and sell papers.  His feet were horribly burned.  He would have to give the money he earned to her so she could buy liqueur.  He tells the story of how her family rejected him and emotionally abused him.  But this was all he knew.  The first chance he had he left.  He could not make it as a diner cook and eventually joined the Army for some 25 years.  He got his GED and when he left the Army he turned down the rank of E8, second from the top for an enlisted man, because of his health, and the condition he go back to Korea.  He had just married  his third and last wife, and knew how hard the military was on his family.  He went home to East Texas and bought an acre from Jimmy and set up his home near his son and daughter, and first wife.

After his stroke he had no fight left in him.  Although he was successful in the Army and did two tours in Vietnam, the years of abuse caught up to him.  His relationship with his last wife was also an abusive relationship.  It reached the point he would hang up the phone or become angry when we visited or his children visited because she would not allow him to speak with us.  Again this was normal to him.  He needed her because of the stroke, but hated how he and his family were treated by her.  He told me many times, he never loved her like he loved the mother of his children.  They were barely married when he retired, and she put him in a small second bedroom and told him he was not welcome in her bedroom.  It caused him major emotional pain,  He would cry over not even being allowed to hug her or kiss her.  But abuse is all he knew because of the actions of these corrupt lawyers and judge.

I have no idea how the five came to forgive daddy.  With us 7 he was a different man.  He was still  hard about work.  My brother tells a story of how he would not allow the two eldest back in the house until they finished shovelling the snow.  It was cold and they wanted in and he said no.  But he taught all of the oldest how to cook and how to fix just about anything.  He always took us on vacation.  We learned camping, and the oldest learn to hunt.  We went to California to see the youngest girl of the fiver and her family.  He took us to Disney Land.   We saw everything.  He never left any of his children behind again.  On the road as boys, 6 of the 7, we had to pee in a coffee can he would empty.  Only mom, my sister and daddy were allowed to use the Texaco bathroom when we travelled to California, or Nevada.  He also took us to Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon.  As the story goes on one camping trip someone left food out and he had to take a bat to bear.


My memories are very fond.  Until I came to Brownsville I would go to the Feed Store for pet food because he would take me and lift me up to the dock, and then walk around to the stairs.  I have fond memories of going to the city dump which is why I love going to the dumb.  I can see him in 62' passing out sparklers while sitting in a lawn chair on the front lawn during the 4th of July.

Sometimes I do not know if these memories are ghost memories I should let go, or hold on to.

Mom had her plate full with all of the issues facing her 7 children.  I saw how tortured she was with worry.  So I never bothered her.  I was maybe 16, when she was washing dishes and I was sitting at the table and she said to me with her back to me "you have never asked for anything, but now you are asking for something I cannot give you."  I cannot get those words out of my head.  You see we never spoke of the gay/bisexual issue, but she knew and feared for my future and knew I wanted her to fix it .It was the one thing I asked for and it hurt her so bad she could not help me.  This was about 74'.  She knew if we spoke with a therapist it would be labeled as a mental illness, and she did not believe that and knew it would not help me.

So back to what my subconscious threw at me on Sunday. " "When I think of mom I think of many things. Her strength and resolve is my curse I guess. I think all of the time, I am failing to measure up."

How does a mother manage the troubles facing 7 children?  How can I possibly feel any sense of pressure compared to her journey.  So I continue the battle knowing full well my doctors have all told me to walk away because of the toll it is taking on me.  No - my battles are a lot fewer, but some have to be fought.

My brother's suffering began at the hands of a corrupt East Texas judge and it will not end at the hands of a corrupt East Texas judge.  Until his death daddy never told mom the truth about my brother.  Until the youngest of the 4 girls told her straight out daddy had lied to her and Jimmy was not my brother's mom. My mother believed the lie.  Daddy could not face mom with the truth because when daddy returned to the states my brother was still young enough to be raised by his real parents.  My brother was abandoned to the drunk and abusive third wife Jimmy.  This was a reality daddy could not face.

I have no idea how I got on this journey.  It would be easier if I knew my destination.  Every day I ask myself, what is the purpose of this journey?  I spent today asking mom, daddy and Alice for guidance.  But I guess it is for me to figure out.

But I learned this, my journey cannot be guided by an unhealthy need to measure up to mom.  I am certain that feeling comes from the guilt I feel over the pain I gave her for not being able to give me the only thing I ever asked for.  She was overwhelmed with her children and the pressures of her work which by then included a lot of politics with a lot of corrupt people, even at work.

In time her heart gave out when the challenges became more than any human being should face.  It is not in mine, mom's or daddy's DNA to walk away from an injustice.  Although daddy was the force behind the greatest injustice against the original 5.  From what I learned, he suffered for his actions and was beyond grateful when the 5 forgave him.  He was no longer the man who used corrupt lawyers and a judge to kidnap 5 innocent children from there mother.  The church changed him into the man I knew - my father who I adore.  But maybe my adoration is only in the memory of ghosts.

I wait for the call my brother has passed.  It is time.  But until then I will keep my promise to him and mom and bankrupt myself if need be to protected him from the abuse in the system.  If I end up in the hospital so be it.  The abuse has to stop.  He served this country for 25 years and it sickens me the system he fought to defend continues to abuse people.

It is so bad his attorney collected the life insurance on his late wife and refused to pay the nursing home.  Only when faced with eviction was I able to get the judge to force the attorney to turn over the money to pay the nursing home.  The scumbag lawyer was going to allow my brother to be put out n the street while keeping his money.  The scumbag judge refused to remove him for his actions.

I can go on and on.  But it will serve no purpose.   Some say my destination is justice, but I hope not because based on what I know, no such destination exists in our legal system.  I feel like I am in an endless loop with no way out.

Sunday, May 14, 2017


I pondered this post for several days, because I fear it will be misconstrued. Your left - left to right, mom, mi abuelita [grandmother] and tia Angelita [aunt]. All three are inside of me and raised me. When I think of mom I think of many things. Her strength and resolve is my curse I guess. I think all of the time, I am failing to measure up. Think for a minute. It is 1963, you are in this country for maybe 17 years and as a Hispanic widow who had suffered discrimination you move your family from Utah to NY. With 7 kids in tow, one being only 2, and the favorite being 5 [lol], you have to change planes in Chicago. 

You eventually enter a welfare program to go to Hoftra to become a social worker, while also working during the day at what then not now was called a school for the mentally retarded, all while trying to manage 7 kids. She changed things for our community by using her position to force the county hospital to put signs in both Spanish and English. 

My friend Jody's mother use to tell me all of the time how admired mom was for meeting her challenges face on. As a child you see mom as mom. She always had the time to do things with us. She made us a family unit. She forgave daddy for not telling the truth about his other 5 kids, and connected them with us.

Our aunt Angelita and her children and grandchildren were an integral part of the family. She was strong. But mom passed when i was 19. Many visits to Nicaragua connected me to mi abuelita. I will never forget how she told my mother she could not go on a date for her 55th because none of her brothers were going along. Mom went. She showed me a love only a grandmother can give. It is not better than your mom's love, it is just different.

 I love the two weeks I had with mi abuelita after she lost her memory. Every day was the same, "vos eres el hijo de Alicita, Bobbysito" - you are the son of Alicia, little Bobby] We would go through the picture albums every day and I would tell her who was who. The next day, she would say the same thing to me and we would go though the picture albums again. 

Even during these daily times together her love was so powerful. She could not remember the day before, but deep inside she knew everyone, and just overflowed with love. Her eyes were so telling of her love. Her smile when she would say "vos eres el hijo de Alicita, Bobbysito" just filled me with love, and the importance of mothers and family. 

But then someone had to take over for mom, after she passed. I was so close to mi tia Angelita. We all were. I can still hear her laughter. It was the same as at the Fun House at Coney Island. After leaving NY 41 years ago, I never returned without running into the Bronx and later Brooklyn to see her. She was a trip. She was always there to help me.  As a child on Saturday night while watching horror films, she would pay us a penny for every white hair we pulled.  Back then you could buy candy for a penny.

So in the end on this Mother's Day I say, It takes a Village of Moms to raise children.

Friday, May 12, 2017


Cell phone companies make money by pushing worthless insurance and new phones.  My current phone, a Samsung, does not have insurance on it.  I had to buy this phone new because the insurance on the old phone required I buy a lessor phone at a so called discount, when in fact I could have bought the same phone on the Internet for half the price being offered by the insurance company.

So I decided no insurance this time.  The news is good.  The money I have now saved on insurance is more than the cost of buying this same phone new.


Well as is always the case when you go into a TMobile store the customer service sucks.  In NY I have to stand in the middle of the street to get an outgoing signal.  They say they are working on the problem.  Last July I was sitting in the middle of the street as late as 3 in the morning trying to find out why United charged me over $2,000 for a last minute ticket to attend my brother in law's funeral.  United did not give a shit that they emptied my account for what was to be about a $900 ticket.  Welcome to the world of modern customer service.  It took three weeks but I got my money back.


Before I get into the full story after three weeks of game playing by the TMobile store and its manager I lodged a complaint with TMobile.  They transferred me to a Samsung tech specialist.


Apparently in their latest updates there was a problem which was causing their phones not to ring.  My roommate started to have the same problem with his phone.  The fix was easy.  You change the ringtone, reboot your phone, and then put the ringtone back to the  one you want.  The phone is working fine.  The tech told me the TMobile customer service reps had access to the fix and they had no idea why I was told I had to get a new phone under the warranty, which costs money.


They told me my only choice was to use the warranty to get a new phone at the cost of $21.00.  They said it would be in the following day.  It took two weeks.  They said they would be able to transfer the data on my phone to the new phone.

Well the phone comes in and I am told they need two batteries and the new phone does not come with a battery.  They are not allowed to use the battery in the display phone.  I was told over and over again by the manager he would get a battery and call me.  He finally stopped calling with all of his lies.

This is when I lodged the complaint with TMobile and Samsung told me of the real fix, versus the TMobile "FIX" of forcing you to get a new phone.

Thursday, May 11, 2017


It seems to me I should know about this from middle school history, but the history of this land is not really taught in our schools. I am finally just finishing "1491", which is how this land was before Columbus. Archeology and Anthropology are like the weather, if you do not like them wait a minute and they will change.

Every day during a new dig new bones are found about an animal or early human which begins to change theories.

Most of what we know about pre-Columbus history, is written by Europeans describing what they saw, allegedly or reducing to writing the history of the indigenous people as they claim it was told to them.

Their is a famous priest who described the Amazon as heavily populated, which most archeologist claim to be impossible because of soil conditions which could not sustain large populations.  But now we know the indigenous people used charcoal and pottery shards to build up the soil for farming.  Entire tracks of land have now been discovered as farming fields made by the indigenous people.  So in the end it is really hard to know what is true.

The Document known as the "Great Law of Peace" as passed down by the indigenous people and reduced to writing by Europeans has been accepted the modern day tribes as authentic.  What intrigues me is the question of whether or not this Coda influenced the Founding Fathers.  I have not read this, but did the views of the Founding Fathers influence how the Europeans translated the words of the indigenous law keepers.



All chiefs of the League of Five Nations must be honest in all things. They must not idle and gossip, but be men possessing those honorable qualities that make true leaders. It shall be a serious wrong for anyone to lead a chief into trivial affairs for the people must ever hold their chiefs high in estimation out of respect to their honorable positions.


The rites and festivals of each nation shall remain undisturbed and continue as before, because they were given by the people of old times as useful and necessary for the good of men.
Note: This law says not to disturb the rites and festivals, that is, not to change it or add to it, such as a new religion, etc.


Part of my summer will be spent on researching this history.  The consensus is this is real and it existed pre-Columbus.  But others are not so sure.

I am really interested to find research wherein our Founding Fathers spoke of this law.


I want to be clear, Trump will think nothing of his low approval numbers and this polls indication the people wish to flip the House to the Democrats.  If you understand Trump, nothing, and I mean nothing will move him.  I can say with 100% certainty, this man can be on the eve of the Senate affirming the House's Impeachment of him, and he would do nothing and change nothing.

The Numbers:

"Trump's approval rating stood at 36% in the poll, the second lowest approval rating the survey has measured during his presidency. On April 4, Quinnipiac found Trump's approval rating at 35%.

The poll also painted potential disaster for congressional Republicans in the 2018 midterms: 54% of respondents said they wanted Democrats to win control of the House of Representatives, compared to 38% who want Republicans to maintain control."

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


My cousins son shares this stuff on FB all of the time. This guy is real funny. His language can be offensive. I am not saying I agree with him, I am just saying I find him funny.  It would serve no purpose for me to say which sentences I agree with and which I disagree with. This is simply posted for your entertainment.


First let me say all of these stupid opeds by the NYT's and others over the firing of FBI Director Comey are going nowhere with the electorate.  I am bothered when Comey messed up on the Clinton emails in a way which favored Trump, Trump was okay, but now with the FBI Russian investigation the firing makes it appear their is a Trump conspiracy to cover up something.

First, it's Trump.  The nuances of competence in choosing a competent cabinet was not there.  He had no rational informed intelligent person to guide him in the process.  There is a difference between mistakes and Trump some how being in bed with the Russians.

In my opinion what is happening is, a deliberate conspiracy to cover up a non existent conspiracy. Trump has no idea what they will learn and his advisers are the ones who got him into this mess.  

His advisers and Trump being Trump will keep the conspiracy theorists going, not because Trump ever tried to conspire with the Russians against the U.S., but because they are afraid something which does not exist may be found.  Every major international business meets with Russsian officials every day.  But Trump seems to want to keep this obvious well known fact covered up.  Trumps actions will keep the conspiracy theorists going - to no avail.


FB got hit with this biggest shocker which will for sure change its platform for good.  But first how the unique history of Germany and hate speech has U.S. Jews reclaiming German citizenship out of fear of an increase in hate speech in the U.S.

Germany learned its lesson.  The U.S. was as much a part of the hate speech against Jews, not the extermination, as the Germans during the mid 30's to mid 40's.  We learned nothing, unlike the Germans.

"Reports of anti-Semitic incidents in the U.S. are up 86 percent so far this year, according to a study released by the Anti-Defamation League. And with that increase comes a new wave of interest in a decades-old German law reinstating German citizenship to Holocaust refugees and their descendants."

In the U.S. there is a growing number of Jews reclaiming their German citizenship as a way out of the U.S. if necessary.  This right belongs to Holocaust survivors and their descendents.

Germany knows all too well what happens when hate speech goes too far.  My problem is what is hate speech?

I do not consider the following comment by Stephen Colbert to be hate speech.  If you know him you know there is nothing homophobic about him.  I found the line to be funny because it is true.

""The only thing your mouth [Trump's] is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock holster"

I learned about the comment from a Washington Post OPED piece which likened the act to accusing Trump of being a women.  Now that was offensive.  To suggest anyone who performs this act is a women is very homophobic.  You will not see an apology or any counter argument in the Washington Post.  


Now remember Austria also knows all too well the consequences of unchecked hate speech.  They were part of the German machine, although many will say not voluntarily.  It is important to understand this because it demonstrates how a country's history can impact laws on free speech or any other matter.

"In a decision that could have global consequences, an Austrian court ruled on Friday that Facebook must delete postings deemed to be hate speech."

The offending language?

"which translate roughly as "lousy traitor" and "corrupt bumpkin."  The statements were against a politician and this type speech should be fair game.  I think Austria has made a mockery of hate speech by its Court's decision.

Source: NPR

An ongoing legal issue in the U.S. is foreign nationals using our courts and laws to sue in the U.S.  This raises the spectrum, whether Austria or some other country will allow U.S. Americans be able to sue to remove content from the internet or for damages.

The internet has changed the world.  The law is running to catch up.  

We need a real substantive discussion on the true meaning of hate speech.  It must be based on an intent to hurt a non-politician based on who they are.  If we call everything said bad against politicians hate speech, then we will not be allowed to speak against politicians or politically active people.

The discussion will evolve in our courts.  But hate speech cannot become the type thing you know when you see it.  Speech is too important to reduce hate speech to such a standard.  It also deems the real hate speech meaningless.  If you are a known group which targets, Jews, gays, blacks, Anglos, etc and publish inflammatory videos or comments about the group, then I think we can call it hate speech.  But merely speaking out against a political agenda by any of these groups is not hate speech.