Friday, July 1, 2016


MY SISTER MARY AND HER LATE HUSBAND AT THEIR 45TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY THIS YEAR

Kenny passed early this morning with my sister by his side.  He had just been moved to hospice care and she decided to spend the first night to make sure he was attended to.  She knew something was wrong and took his hand as he passed.  I know people do not understand this but she saw the peace come over him as he passed.  I described the same experience with my other brother in law Danny Montes who passed in January.  It is an odd moment because you are grateful that their pain is gone and they are at peace, and then your loss hits you.

Mary at about age 11-12 watched mom deal with daddy in and out of the hospital for over a year. Mom was basically still new to the U.S. and was isolated in Salt Lake with no family other than her 7 kids.  She had the strength to sell the house, get us all on a plane which included changing planes in Chicago [with 7 kids] and moving to NY to be close to her sister and Tio Humberto - her mother's brother.

Mary learned that strength and has passed it on to her daughters.  Kenny made her whole.  They were sweat hearts since middle school.  She met him in Hawaii after he got leave from Vietnam. They married after his return from Vietnam and finished out his service in DC or Maryland.

They understood marriage had its up and downs which is why they lasted 45 years.  The bond of love was too strong to break the marriage over a few bumps in the road.

Mary is strong.  She by reality was forced to help mom raise the youngest 4, after daddy died.  Was it fair - nope - but it is what makes us as humans.  When mom died she became the matriarch of the family.  She use to complain about having to change our diapers even though she was so young.

Well we settled that score when I went to NY to help her the first week out of the hospital after her lung cancer surgery.  You have to keep moving.  I was spotting her on the treadmill when lets say we had an exorcist moment.  She started to cry because I was covered in vomit. I laughed, securely sat her down and then said - "the score is settled - no more comments about changing our diapers." I cleaned myself, then her and then everything else.  She finally laughed.  What else can you do?

Kenny balanced her and knew everything she went through.  They just meshed.  Kenny had his views, but he welcomed the diversity and craziness of the Wightman clan.  I will never forget the first time we took him camping.  He thought we were nuts - sleeping outside.  In time like God intends we all meshed and became one big family.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

nice words Bobby. Sorry for your loss. I hope your sister finds the strength to move forward without her soulmate.

BobbyWC said...

As to be expected she does not feel like she will. But she will as she enters full retirement and spends more time with her granddaughters. She is so so tight with her daughters and son in laws. Mary and Kenny had planned to bring the entire clan to SPI this summer. Maybe she still will. The kids do not go back to school until September.

Thanks for your kind words.

She knows it can be done. She saw mom do it with 7 minor kids.

Bobby WC

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

First let me say that I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be hard to cope with the memories of what was and now deal with what is. Second I want to applaud your strength and your sisters. You all seem to have been through a lot but together you pull through. I don't know what you and your family are going through but I hope you find peace and move forward knowing that he is in peace. Our loved ones continue no matter what your beliefs are its true. God bless.

BobbyWC said...

We are tight, because of our history. We will be tighter after this. We will all be very protective of Mary - but god save you if you make one of her kids mad because you were mean to their mom. Her daughters are solid as rocks. Today along with her daughters then took the 8 granddaughters out for outfits for the wake and funeral. No matter how hard it is, I know they all had a good time shopping for the kids - family strength and fun the best medicine

Bobby WC