Sunday, January 24, 2016

While I am basically in a good place and happy with the events on Friday with the passing of my brother-in-law, being the family member these issues come to is hard.  I am fighting tooth and nail with Adult Protective Services to get my brother moved to a posh nursing home in Houston which he can more than afford, and under the care of the Director of Neurofibroma at MD Anderson. 
 Compounding all of this, a sister in her 80's who is in a lockdown assisted living center for dementia, called me yesterday to tell me she found a way out and was going to hitch hike across the country to Virginia to live with our grandmother who died in 1950.  I talked her down, letting her know her picture under current law will appear on cell phones all over California and signs on the highway.  But I still had a duty to call my niece to tell her so she could call the facility to keep an extra eye on her.  I do not care how much strength you have all of this in one week is more than any one person should have to deal with.
But my faith guides me, and such as my sister Caroline would do, when things seem darkest I turn to the serenity prayer for help.
Danny knew me well enough to know once he directed me to carry out his end all life support directive,  I would do it.  I do not know if I can explain it, but that trust was a gift.  At that moment I needed that gift.  I needed to be reminded who I am.
I will not hide the fact on Friday after seeing the eye surgeon at the VA [btw totally discounted all of the findings and recommendations by the non-MD eye doctor] I went over to mental health.  I was seen by a nurse who is used to help distressed veterans vent.  He kept on saying I needed to protect myself and stop being the person who handles all of these problems. 
When Danny gave me the directive my mind was on the promise.  I immediately started the process without a second thought, to end his life support.  I then had to tell his children.  I was not allowed to show emotion.  I had to be strong.  But I can tell you I was falling apart inside wanting to speak with someone who would reaffirm for me I did the right thing.  I did the right thing - that I know for sure.  I consider that honor a gift which forced me to realize who I am.
I said to this VA nurse but how do I protect myself if pulling back means not being who I am?  I make a promise and I keep it, especially in these type matters.  My brother made me promise I would take care of him once he could no longer care for himself.  But his wife wants him to die in a cesspool of a nursing home, where twice TRICARE had found they have tried to commit fraud on his estate with fraudulent billing, and had to be threatened with a lawsuit to get him taken to the ER where they found the hip fracture which lead to the surgery, and an end to his screaming out in pain 24/7.  He had fallen out of bed at least 10 times, and even after the surgery, continues to fall out of bed. Nothing is being done about it. 
I have maxed out my credit cards protecting my brother and will go into financial ruin if need be to get him to Houston and under the proper care. If I had the $100,000, for the retainer for the Houston law firm I know can end this for my brother I would write the check in a second.  I just do not have enough equity in the house and my accounts. 
So who am I?  I am a promise keeper in the face of the hardest decisions and times.  If I stop being that promise keeper, who will I be?  Not me, and that will kill me.  If you cannot be yourself who can you be?  I find it confusing people do not understand this.  Am I not just being human?  If being human has become something special then we have failed as a species.  Nothing I do is special.  I am human and keep my promises, how can that possibly be special?
Danny through his trust gave me the gift of forcing me to better understand who I am and why when I swore as a lawyer to uphold the law it meant something to me.  No one can point to one accusation wherein I have ever cheated anyone.  All of my State Bar issues related to their complaints that I am exposing the corruption.  I kept my promise there too, and will continue to keep that promise no matter how hard corrupt judges and lawyers try to silence me.  I am not alone.  I know Joshua is with me, and so long as I keep my faith I will make it.
The family is grateful to a well known hotel owner on SPI who has blocked a group of condos for the family coming in from all of the country.  Every condo has been comped.  It is my understanding two well known politicos may speak.  The particulars are still being worked out, but for sure many politicos will be there.
Visitation will be Friday Jan. 29, 2016 from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., at Treviño funeral home on OPI Rd. Funeral Mass will be Saturday Jan. 30, 2016 at 10 a.m. at St. Luke Catholic Church
An after service venue close to St. Luke Catholic Church has been chosen which will be able to handle a lot of people.  I just need to double confirm before I send people to the wrong place.  We have time.

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