Thursday, June 11, 2015


Yesterday someone asked me how I am showing no stress or fear over the impending brain and liver surgeries. Well technically a final decision on both is still pending.  Yesterday the VA approved the AV shunting to relieve the fluid in the brain.  In the end it is still up to the neurosurgeon.  Everyone agrees because the damage may be at the point of no return, we need to look at the possible benefits which outweigh the possible failure of the surgery in terms of repairing the damage.  The problems I have developed with the liver have now become a big factor.

 I have already been taken off some medicines because of their toxicity to the liver.  In the end depending on what the liver surgeon finds during the surgery I may have to go off of all the medicines they are uing to compensate for a failed hypothalamus.  This is key because even if there is a chance the shunting will not repair the hypothalamus the possibility it will means I will be able to function without the medications.  Everyone knows I am done with the medications. 

My liver is compromised - I refuse to put more toxins in my body.  The doctors are trying to balance everything.  The medications will only continue to damage the liver.  This is why I was immediately taken off of the Zetia for its damage to the liver.  The AV shunt surgery may or may not  work- in 1986, it would have worked and all the health problems I have never would have happened.  Until they place the shunt they have no way of knowing if it will help. 

This is not difficult.  I was horrified a month or so ago at a funeral when the priest said "when I get to heaven I am going to have a ton of questions for God."  Wow - the priest has no faith.  I have no questions.  I am relaxed with everything because Johsua [aka Jesus - also note Joshua was a Hebrew not a Roman - Note that Joshua = Yoshua or Yahushua because there is no "J" sound in Hebrew. The "J" with its "J" sound didn't come into the English language until about 500 years ago. In fact, the "J" isn't even found in the original 1611 King James version. (proof) ] teaches God knows everything I need before I know.  For me prayer other than the Lords Prayer is evidence of a lack of faith.  My faith tells me I need not ask the Father for anything.  If I need it the Father will provide it.

Where ever my journey takes me on my health has a purpose.  I do not believe in death, so I cannot  fear it.  I believe in passing.  My faith tells me when you pass everything will be okay.

When you have pure faith, nothing they throw at you will hurt you or cause you to breakdown - I will not lie - sometimes I grow emotionally tired over this mess - but I recover because I go back to the Book of Matthew Chapter 6 - see in particular 8-9

Matthew Chapter 6: How to Pray
How to Pray
Matthew Chapter 6 : 5

It is so simple. And for the record, I hold no animus towards anyone - I speak my mind - but no matter who you are I will always be there to help you. When Juanito was in jail on child support, I brought McHale the case law to get him out. I have said of those who have felony convictions and therefor cannot run for public office I will stand with them even though we do not agree politically  I can agree to disagree and in fact hate your conduct, but I will always stand with you as a fellow child of our Father - for we are one and if I refuse to forgive your trespasses I breach my faith - and that will never happen.

Forgiving someone's trespasses does not mean you ignore them.  But you must never allow for another's trespasses to impair your union with a fellow child of our Father. 

We are one and will break when we allow another's trespasses to separate us  from our Father.  So we must forgive or be separated from our union with our Father.

So it is faith which sustains me.  When our Father is ready for me to pass, I will not object.  Our Father knows that which is best for me, not me.

1 comment:

BobbyWC said...

To understand how I view this - once everything is done and I am behind the surgeries I will write up a history.

Medicine is not perfect - that which they believed yesterday based on conjecture is thrown off today based on new scientific evidence.

In my case other than a TIA there was nothing to indicate the fluid on the brain was causing a problem. So one doctor said do nothing and another said I should undergo the shunting. In 1986, I did not have the internet to show me it is a simple surgery with nothing to fear - the concept of brain surgery scares people - this one is basic - it actually takes longer to prep me in the operating room than the operation itself - but I did not know and chose to go with the wait and see approach.

Maybe 5-6 years a VA neurologist wanted me to undergo the shunting, but the endocrinologist took the position it was better to treat with toxic medications. The VA at the time preferred prescription treatment over surgery. They now know they were wrong. But understand this is all very new.

It was only a few years ago doctors denied the existence of Andropause - male menopause. today it is accepted. I spent nearly 10 years suffering from unbearable hot flashes because men do not have hot flashes - well now they accept it as real because they can measure zero testosterone - mine is not andropause - it is secondary hypogonadism caused by brain fluid compressing the hypothalamus thereby compromising the hypothalamus pituitary axis. I have no metabolism, no clock in my head, no testosterone, no sperm - and it goes on.

This has been about a 15 year journey - when all is settled I will write a medical summary and post it around the internet so other people can see the story.

This is new and doctors are just barely getting to understand it - the more people I can educate the better for everyone.

Think about what I said about forgiving trespassers - I'm not blaming anyone - I understand doctors cannot know everything and that this is new - it is my faith which allows for my objectivity and allows me to turn it into something good.

This is why I do not fret over this - I can do something with it . God has his way - I can sit and fret or see this as an opportunity to educated. I choose the latter - God has a purpose for everything and maybe this is his purpose for my journey.

People look deep into yourself and trust in God and the journey he chooses for you. It's a good journey - do not fret - learn to make it something which makes a difference for all of God's children.

God does not make mistakes - you must have faith in his purpose.

Bobby WC